i guess now is the right time to express my feeling…. ok…. these few weeks happened a lots of things… some are sad… some are happy~
hmmmm….
lets separate into 2 categories~ human and material-thingy~
ok~ start with the 1st group~ human…
for your information~ i am single and available again :) i feel freed as i finally got an answer from him~ no need guess~ no need count the stars~ no need toss the dice~ straightly get the answer from him… so i guess what i should do is~ keep myself away from him~ stop bothering him~ stop everything about him. i have even deleted everything about him from my lappie~ include his friends and his msn… but they still can see me… also in facebook… just to feel better and convince myself that “you are no longer belongs to that gang, stop finding them and stop bothering them”… i feel myself like an extra rat or any dirty animals for them… kinda sad… i feel myself so annoying, scary, nasty, obnoxious~~~~~~~~~ sorry…
‘SORRY’ i guess this is the most-using-word for me recently~ whenever i find my friends which are also his friends… i end up with sorry~ sorry~ sorry~
dear readers~ i am so 犯贱 horr?
to start my new life~ i active in FFS~ i knew a lots of friends there~ Joel~ Calven~ at least i am not lonely~ haha XD i spent hour and hour on FFS~ worked my pets~ checked my comments~ and visited my friends pages~
i also take lotsa pics~ so if you see any meanish pic of me~ dun blame ya :P i am just too bored~ perhaps lonely?
and above is all about my friends~ below is about my family~
i feel so unfair to be the eldest child… REALLY!!! i got my 1st lappie at 19~ during the starting of the college for assignment… and this Monday… my bro gonna get his 1st lappie~ for? chatting with girl friend~ more privacy…
i am so scare everything~ i scare my parents will scold me and screw me if i got a bf and more worse~ i scare they will lock me at house~ cut my communication which mean keep my hp and lappie… and of cause~ bugging, scolding and shouting…
i really really really scare my parents~ especially their shouting and bugging… because bugging end with shouting… i guess this is my shadow… i very very scare… i rather die than kena shout from them…
everything is my fault if my bro did anything wrong… thats why~ i need to be a good girl~ that look like a role model~ so if my bro did something wrong~ they wont blame on me :D i seldom hang out with friends…. i back on time… dun clubbing… dun smoke… and i anti these thingy… to let my parents accept my bf… the guy the best dont do these thingy as well…
1st… i guess they wont like me to have a bf… a clubber and smoker even worse… what’s gonna happen if i go out with clubber and smoker?
2nd… my mum always black face to my friends… but why??? always smile in front of my bro friends??? i cant understand this….
and now~ my bro is in relationship and also can get a lappie bcoz of he need privacy… then why i cant???
is my parents dont allow or i dont allow myself????? or my shadow???
but what’s gonna happen if i really have a bf? or… what’s gonna happen if i rebel my parents???
they dont allow me to work…. i have no income for holiday =( if i wanna buy sth need to get my mum’s permission…
okay~ the next category… material-thingy…
i got lotsa new cloths lately…so nice horrrr? but i feel so waste lorrrr…. my papa money all spent on me… feel so horrible…
and i gonna get my car soon… should be before CNY~ money again…. if these things i got are paid by me~ i would feel better… at least that means i am independent and i am freed from the “cage”… the invisible cage…
so far~ i got 2 dresses, 2 tops, a pants, a jacket, a pair of high heels, belt, dinner bag, 2 hair bands…
but i still need a pair of sandals… maybe i need to pay myself for this…
okla!!!!! it is 2.31am now… thanks for reading…. sorry for disturbing….
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